One year ago on this date I lost my Grandpa Larry. The day he passed I wrote about him on a Facebook post and someone commented:
"A beautiful tribute for a man I never met..but feel like I know him now...This would make a loving song someday...when your ready..and I for one would love to hear it!!"
I was not thinking about a song when I wrote the post. In fact, I didn't think I could ever write a song to capture the incredible man my grandpa was. After reading the comment, I went back read the post. The line "he kept the crewcut the navy gave him" came to me with the melody. It would be months before I finally sat down and tried to write this song.
The week before my album release concert in August, I was thinking about Grandpa often. I only had my first meeting with the recording studio to go through the songs when Grandpa passed away. Nothing was recorded, yet. I knew if he were here, he would have been in the front row beaming with pride.
Wearing his sweatshirt, I propped up an old photo of Grandpa on his John Deere pulling me in the wagon behind it. I picked up my guitar and the song finally came to me. I was a tearstained mess when I was done.
I don't know if the song is completed. I have a songwriting session with an incredible songwriter in two weeks and I'm planning to bring this one to the table. Nothing I could ever write will paint a thorough picture of the impact Grandpa Larry had in my life.
The Facebook Post:
SEPTEMBER 26, 2021
If you know me, you know my grandpa.
He spent the last 39 years of his life shaping the first 39 years of mine. I walked behind him for a while. As a child in his shadow, I was protected. I learned as he led. I learned his work ethic, his values, and his compassion through his steady example.
Slowly, I began to emerge from behind and began walking beside him. Through all of my endeavors, he continued to lead, but also became a trusted and beloved companion. A friend. He sat with Grandma at the front table of any dive bar I’d play and beam with pride. Showed up to my orchestra concerts, graduations, birthdays, or for no particular reason at all. He was there and he was a constant in my life. He was that one person they say every kid needs.
Even though I saw it break his heart, he never tried to stop me when I left Wausau. The image of him standing at the garage door with Grandma waving as I drove off to move to Alaska is forever engrained in my memory.
The following summer, Grandma was gone and I stayed with him for three months. It was then I began to take the lead. Driving anywhere we went because, let’s face it, we all know Grandpa wasn’t a good driver.
We were inseparable that entire summer and it was beautiful.
When he lost his eyesight, we further transitioned into new roles. I was guiding him from the bedroom to his chair, helping him care for himself in ways he once cared for me.
Even though I was now leading him, he was still teaching me.
In the past 11 years, my grandfather has not had his eyesight. He taught me one of the most important lessons in life — how to handle the shitty hands we are dealt.
Grandpa could have become bitter, angry, or resentful. He missed seeing his great grandchildren grow up and I often think this hurt us more than him. You see, Grandpa still loved life. He enjoyed hearing the laughter. Loved the conversations. He never lost his sense of humor, his faith in God, or his appreciation for all he had.
I may walk without him now, but he has turned a crabby little kid and bitter teen into a life-loving and fiercely independent woman. Although my heart is deeply broken to have to carry on without him, I am so blessed.
My mission is to continue my life in the way he lived his. You may have never had the pleasure to meet my grandpa, but if you know me, you know him.
YOU KNOW HIM
LYRICS
He kept the crewcut the navy gave him
Knew the words to every church hymn
We would sing on sunday morning in the balcony
I stood small there in his shadow
Where he'd go I would follow
His little girl is who I'd always be
(Chorus)
If you know me, you know him
He was the one who taught me patience
How to be a friend
When to speak, when to listen
To be thankful for all I'm given
If you know me, you know him
I'd watch the bus leave school without me
And I'd walk across Sell Street
To spend time with him while he drove me home
He had red licorice in the console
He'd sing along to Eddy Arnold
Through his silver hair he'd run a comb
(Repeat Chorus)
(Bridge)
Eventually I took the keys
He held my hand from the passenger seat
And for a while we were side by side
In his last years he lost his vision
As I'd guide him from the kitchen
He was still leading me
(Chorus)
